Mei's Journal
by Abah
Summary: A series of entries that Mei wrote in her spare time.
1. Chapter 1

In the wake of the night, I feared your existence would no longer beside me; I feared that even the slightest of accidents, I could lose you forever. In the nights at which I contemplate and give my deepest thoughts a dearest place in my heart, I yearn for your presence. In the nights which I spent a lot of my time thinking about you, I only had coffee to calm my soul and slow, fuzzy, bluesy rock song to accompany me throughout the late night adventures. While the lights out and the streets are cold and haunting as flickering lights and broken neon bulbs decorated the silence, my eyes are crying, keeping a forlorn hope of a presence it yearns, and who am I have been missing is you, Yuzu.

Ever since you took that job, I wonder when will you come home to me, back to the couch we used to share hugs and kisses. Back to the moderate budget soap operas that you used to like so much, back to the rainy days that shared our heart's doubts. Back to that ramen shop where the owners know you so well that when we visited them, they are all already know what's your favourite.

Torrential rain poured down today. There are storm warning and possible flooding will occur if the rain continues until tomorrow evening. With a cup of coffee wrapped in my hands, I took a seat on the windowsill. Looking at the heavy rain outside as the song reaches its end. The song finally ends in an echo that gradually becomes quieter and quieter. The rain let up a bit and the playlist plays another song, it was set on shuffle play.

The coffee went cold faster than I sipped it. The windowsill on which I sat now gone colder and the loneliness soon turned into a deadlier loneliness. The rain let up as I thought about you, your presence, and how I miss you each and every day. Without you, the city looks deserted, looks like a desert, even. Empty, barren, bleak, hopeless… arid and with more emptiness than ever. Sitting on the windowsill with fuzzy, psychedelic stoner rock was only another dose of escaping from reality. It calms me down and soothes my soul.

A sleepy sensation came after I sipped the coffee. As the rain pounding the awning of a store in front of my room, and the cicadas having their concert in the backyard, and yet my eyes won't shut - lying on the couch, eyes open staring at the emptiness, looks like a person dying after getting shot in the chest in a homicide.

Was trying to sleep. Only to feel a longing for your presence.

I've waited for so long,

Yet you never come.

You never come.

 _"Longing…"_  
 _Mei Aihara_

 _Written 27th of August_


	2. Chapter 2

In this little room, in which I sat on its windowsill, I saw the rain began to subside. Slowly, it began to play a serenade amidst the clouds and the fog surrounding my window. We were here, together, watching the rain subsides with two cups of hot chocolate. The sound of the rain still going on as far as I could hear and it won't stop until this evening. The storm warning was lifted as the rain slowly subsides and people can have their peaceful night today.

As the playlist continues playing its songs, played at random, it reached a song where the blissful sound of an acoustic guitar overwhelms the room. Basic drum beats and echo effects accompany the song to a calmer state. The rain still pounds the awning, but it is not as loud as two days ago. The room has been dim-lighted since Yuzu left for her work and it has been like that. It has been like that ever since three months ago.

I wonder what are you doing right now that it took you too long to come home?

I wonder what is it like to join you in your workplace. Seeing new things, perhaps?

And yet, here I am,

Waiting.

And keep waiting.

For your return _._

And wondering when will you ever come home.

" _Waiting…"_

 _Mei Aihara_

 _Written 29th of August_


	3. Chapter 3

As I stepped outside, the song quietly perfecting the surroundings. Although I wasn't able to explain it in detail, there is a certain feeling of where I was - sort of inside of a movie. While the rain drizzling down on me, I took a short walk around the block to see if there's anything that I could see, see something that pleases the eye. Come to think of it, back in our high school years, Yuzu and I always went out to the streets just for fun. Wandering aimlessly and sharing our thoughts and feelings together, although it is only I who made us a bit awkward.

In order to have a bit of fun, I locked the door and I wander aimlessly as the night's getting late. There are a lot of couples who spent their night in an expensive club, listening jazz or blues or clubbing as their leisure of choice, and yet, here I am, all by myself, sitting on a park bench, lighted by small streetlight. I took another walk and found myself stranded in an avenue where all kinds of expensive clothing are put on display. With only a book, I pass by all the stores, ignoring all the people who glared at me, wondering if I was "a rich man's daughter that got neglected," and keep asking why "such a girl have to walk by herself all alone in the night," while saying "shouldn't you be at home and experience luxury instead of walking all by yourself in the night?"

These people have no idea how painful it was to get left alone by your beloved one with minimal communication with each other.

Come to think of it, next May marked a year since you took that job that took you away from me. I feel winter creeping in and I am too tired not to see you again, Yuzu. Winter might get a bit colder than usual this year, I suppose. This autumn feels a little colder as well.

" _Time Flies..."  
Mei Aihara  
Written on 2nd of September  
_


	4. Chapter 4

Yuzu,

I braved myself to take a long journey, to see and to wander aimlessly around the city got me bored by seeing all the same events, the same commotions, and the same people who wander with their partners and to have the leisure of their own. So, I go to the nearest outback by train as I see it rolls through the old station of where I am waiting for its arrival. All of this modernity and the feeling I have to endure while waiting you coming back has taken a toll on me. I simply cannot let myself prostrate to the boredom of the city, and let it bend my will and left me lifeless - seeing at the windows and sitting on the windowsill while waiting for your presence.

To be honest with you, Yuzu, it gets boring when the only thing I can do is to dawdle and to wait on the windowsill as the sound of the television surrounds the room and the neverending playlist that plays the same song over and over again. I bought the ticket myself and I thought this would be something that I can do in a long-term while waiting you coming home.

The train station is a bit windy this afternoon and gave a nostalgic feeling. How hurtful it was to leave your partner behind while embarking on a journey so long that one or another can't think anything but home and togetherness. Maybe a little trip to the villages would give me an insight that you are still there, waiting to get back home and hugging me, as you would often do to me. Maybe too much living in the city makes you melancholic.

I wish that I did not worry you too much, honey.

I'm going out,

I love you, and I will be back soon...

If you ever find a way back home.

 _"Another Tuesday's Gone..."  
Mei Aihara  
Written on 4th of September  
_


	5. Chapter 5

Two days later, I finally arrived in a small village in the outskirts of one of the big cities. Mountains stand tall as if they rule the landscape. The cold breeze, low humidity, and the sound of the wind rustling the trees and its branches make the little village have a little feeling of something that I would read from a best-seller fantasy novel.

Come to think of it, I remember how you used to madly fallen in love to villages like the one I am visiting currently. I remember after we finished reading one of the best light novels out there (obviously, it was a Shoujo-Ai novel). I recall that the novel is about two adventurers' adventure in seeking a place to live, while they spend their togetherness seeking out themselves as they try to protect the love that embossed in their hearts - and if I remember correctly, this village is almost the same as the one we have read before. My, I wonder what will you do if you to be here with me and seeing all of this beauty. You have been always a fan of beautiful villages, are you not?

This village is just like you. A beauty that lingered in my heart and in my soul.

I wish it always stays like that.

" _Lingering Beauty…"_

 _Mei Aihara  
Written on 6th of September_


	6. Chapter 6

Today, just before dusk, I am staying at an old villa owned by one of the elders. I rent a room there for three days since I have nothing to do amidst the concrete jungle that I called home. The elder said that there is a girl already rent a room next mine and she is off to the forest up north, she will be here in a few hours. The elder gave me the spare key to lock the villa, in case I have to go somewhere to ease my aching body.

In the room which I shared it with nature, the sky looks beautiful and vast and endless. The amethyst colour began to appear, creating a godly gradation of colours that which I have never seen nor experienced in my whole life living in an apartment room. I sat and continue to wonder why this has not been in sight in the cities? The amethyst colour of the sky finally blends with the dark, orange colour that seems to dominate most of the skyscape.

In the room which I shared with the sky, too, I can clearly see people began to went inside their homes and the birds of the night began to appear one at a time. The cicadas in the backyard and small birds chirping on a nest in front of my room. I feel that I could sail through these colours with a silent spaceship as I close my eyes and getting intoxicated with the peacefulness it radiates. If only the same could be said to Yuzu, this would be a perfect evening to calm yourself and began to re-think that everything is there to... assist you and your feelings. All I... no, we ever need is a time to be together and enjoy the nature while it lasts and exists.

Maybe, if you were to be here, Yuzu, to hold my hands, to let me sleep on your lap while you gently hold my hands and combing my hairs as you often do, and tell me everything from the unknown parts of the world, this might be my best evening I have ever had.

 _Every day is one step closer to see your face again, no matter how far.  
_

 _"An Evening Thought of a Lonely Little Sister..."  
Mei Aihara  
Written on 6th of September [Entry 2]_


	7. Yuzu's Email

_From: Yuzu Aihara_ _  
To: me_

Mei-chan!

How are you doing? Oh my, how am I missing you here for almost a year! The internet might be faster here than back at home, but I was very busy with my job and even in recess I have to do a lot of work! Sorry I didn't have the time to let you know that I will be back home by Christmas this year. This job is a really good one and really gets on my nerves sometimes, too!

Mei-chan,

I want you to know that even we're almost a year apart, I was very worried about you. I miss sitting on the couch while watching soap operas, I miss eating your popcorn that is neither salty or sweet, I miss to see your flustered face whenever there's a romantic scene in a short film. I know it's embarrassing for you, but that is what makes us still together, right? Little things like this are the things that I hold dearest in my heart, you know, and I mean it.

We both know that I have been through a lot of pain to get a legitimate relationship as we are having right now. The ring I bought you before and the ones I wore as I writing this reminds me that we are still connected, somehow. I don't know why or how, but I think the feelings we shared might be a crucial part of this temporary separation.

I keep dreaming about you since I went off a few months ago. Every night seems a bit longer than usual, the weather is a bit colder than usual, and everything was a bit more silent than ever. The plane flight were slower and taken a long time to reach my destination and I was spending my time talking to my boss more than enjoying the flight itself. At the moment he went asleep, that is when I went wide awake, looking at the stars, counting it, and wondering if one of them will lead me back to you.

By the way, I miss you.

Looking forward to combing your hair as you gently sleep away to the land of dreams again, sweetheart.

 _ _E-mail received on__ _ _ _7th of September, 10:35___


	8. Chapter 8

I remember that we argued in August. I heard your rants across the halls as you walk towards the door and slammed it. The neighbours were wondering if we were really argued and wondering if our relationship were in a brink of divorce. While they were thinking about that, I keep telling them that we just had a rough day and keep everything you said to me a secret.

That night before your birthday, you were so angry that you began to sit on the windowsill while drinking away your rants. It was unpleasant for me to see it with my own eyes, but I had no choice to leave it that way and will talk about it with you later when your mood is... agreeable.

It was my fault. Was not yours. I broke the ring in half. It was unsightly of me.

That ring costs you a fortune to buy and I broke it in half. Although your beaming smile was irreplaceable, I only see an angry aura that night. You were stressed out and burned out due to your stressful work and I really should not tell you that I broke the ring in half. It cannot be undone and it is what it is.

I remember that night in August, you were sitting on the windowsill all by yourself. You put a melancholic love song on repeat over and over again, hoping it will wash away your anger. It was so melancholic that at one particular moment in the song, you began to shed a tear. A tear that I did not want to see from my beloved wife. You were hugging me so tight that I could not properly take a breath.

You were my world, and I was your world, you said that night and it was over - in all of the sudden.

I am glad that you let out your anger that night, it is not good to hold back everything. Although it was hurtful for me to went through.

" _A Story in August"_

 _Mei Aihara  
Written in 23rd of September  
_


	9. Chapter 9

I wandered the house earlier this evening and found today's dusk was calmer than the other previous days. Had I not focused myself on writing this journal, I might have lost my sense of time - thanks to the tranquil of the village that had seeped into my memory for almost a week, now. The granny whose room I rented for a week now had gone to the village center to let me live with her forever, as she is suffering from almost a lifetime loneliness. After she lost her partner in a war long ago, she had never dreamed nor thinking of getting married, as she wants to remain faithful to the promise her partner made.

"I only want to only marry you. No one else besides you that could captivate my feelings. I promise, when I get back home, I will immediately arrange a marriage reception." She recalled, or so I have heard from one of her late night stories. She has waited for seventy years, and there is no news regarding her partner's remains, nor any of his belonging sent to her, there weren't any official letter of his death, either.

She spoke so highly of me when we visited the local farmer's market to buy some produce earlier this dawn, she has always dreamt about getting a daughter and told this to her friends, and when I came here quite a long time ago, she was more than content to see a young gal like I am accompanying her. The tranquility this place gives me is more than anything I want in this world. Living in an apartment room was enough, but to see this much of nature in front of your eyes, it was a sight for sore eyes.

Listening to stories that I have heard from Granny...

I was lucky.

I was blessed to enjoy such a relationship that Granny's have dreamt long ago.

" _Granny's House - Part 1"_

 _Mei Aihara_  
 _Written on 7th of October_

* * *

 **Author's Note: FINALLY AN UPDATE.** Sorry for dropping this piece of fiction for at least three and a half months, I was so in deep of tight college schedule that I completely have forgotten about this! Life can be harsh, but now I am able to find some time to write this. Hope you enjoyed this. Be sure to leave comments, critiques, or put it in as one of your favorites/follows, I appreciated it a lot!


	10. Chapter 10

_"In times when you are not in this world, my partner and I are living in a life where peace, comfort, and the warmth of love surrounds us. I was captivated by his bravery when he tried to save me from some other children that scolded me because I was shorter than most of them. During our childhood, we often play together in the grasslands just south of here, dancing around dandelions, laying in the soft grass on which we often thought it was just another massive, earthly bed - but has better quality than most grass we took steps with. The chirps of the birds, the sound of the wind that whizzing by us in every thirty minutes soothes our souls, leaving the imaginations to run wild beyond our consciousness. Several years later, the military is in dire need of draftees and recruits to win the war. As he left by the train, we waved at each other as the train leaves the station - onwards to the frontline, in which he will take many bullets and killing those who oppose him and our army's cause,"_ she said while showing me her childhood photograph with her partner.

 _"Two weeks had been passed and he sent his first letter to me, I was grateful and relieved when I received it on my hands. I want to meet him after the war ends, I want to hug him for his bravery. After that first letter, he was never heard of again. My letters were not replied, and the army did not give me any details of his whereabouts..."_ she took a pause as she put the photograph back to her small book _. "Tears running from my cheeks when a friend of his platoon that survived the onslaught told me that he did well in battle, which such expression that I cannot even describe. I was crushed to pieces, minced into small pieces. My hearts was so numb that I can only feel sadness pouring like a waterfall. Mother told me to let that go, but I simply cannot..."_

 _"How on Earth can you forget someone who has made your life better and the next time you wake up you lost them forever?"_ She asked and left me speechless as she tends her garden and picking a small batch of produce.

Yuzu and I have been in this relationship for years, and yet, a simple question from Granny hits me like a truck.

 _"Granny's Story"_

 _Mei Aihara  
Written on 8th of October_


	11. Yuzu's Message

_From: Yuzu Aihara_

 _To: Mei Aihara_

 _As the lush vegetations of the desert surround me, all I ever think is you. No matter how much longer the road takes its toll on longing for you, I will find a way to find myself in your arms once more. Through the desert, I envied the sky that always bears your name, bearing news that hopefully, you're still okay. I often caught myself shaken when I did not reply to your messages, thinking that matters might be turned for the worst - forever. The wind brings forth the calmness inside me, letting my hair turned into waves as the car which I get aboard takes me everywhere else the Company might take me. Though it may seem far away, however, the vastness that the desert offered me has been providing enough writing material for me to send you a message. The sky, the stars, even the moon has ever been so huge that I now have to see it in person in the desert. I worked with the Company for quite a while but mostly spent on the road alone. I did enjoy the ride, but without you - everything seems far bitter than usual. Even my latte I bought at some store when I was visiting a small town in the south-western part of the city. Blasting rock music while driving proven to be the most efficient way to get somewhere a little faster, the adrenaline which courses my body through the thumping rhythm of the drums, the roaring sound from the guitar, and the beats from the bass guitar made me a little more reckless when it comes to driving... even in a rental car._

 _I do hope that you're okay, sister. It has indeed been a long time since I touched your body._


	12. Chapter 11

I do remember what was it like for us getting into a relationship for the first time in our lives. I do remember how cold I was to you when you're around me and... and I can't even fathom how hurtful it was to see you bearing all the pain yourself. The moment I hurt you, the moment my curse took a toll on me. It might have been years since you and I met, but it also has been years since we fought - just to make sure that things go one way or another. Then, slowly and steadily, the ache builds up inside me. The ache that I would not ever imagine stuck around my life, without me noticing it. Though it was not anything major, the fight made me a little worse for wear every time I went to go on with life with you and many others. I do remember giving a huge distance gap between us, not because I want you to get out of my life and pretends that our relationship is nothing more than half-siblings - I also thought that when I distanced myself, I distanced myself from someone who took good care of me. I realized that too late, but it is not too late yet to track back what I've done and atoned myself for it.

Now, when you're gone, the world revolves a bit slower than usual. It wants to move forward in time, but you keeping hold of it until I was in your embrace or vice versa. Every time I see you walking out from that door, I always thought it would be our last curfew together, the last time our eyes met.

I had three curses cast upon me: The longing, the yearning, and the waiting.

And still, I wait... Wait for the day you would embrace me like we used to do all the time.

And still, I ache, for your presence.

And still, I want... I want you to be close.

Please come home, I have been waiting for you long enough it makes my feeling crawling beneath my skin.

 _"My Curse"  
Written by Mei Aihara, 2nd of November._


	13. Yuzu's - Prelude

Rummaging through the memories I had with Mei, I feel whenever the desert journey ends, my heart throbbed for more Mei. Not as sisters nor wives, but a pair of lovebirds, as we're used to be. Boss's car just broke down a bit earlier in the evening and we had to stop at an old gas station with minimal lighting - a pair of lanterns hanging on the wall and some are hanging by the window. The owner and the boss know a bit of everything about cars and being a mechanic and he ordered me to stay put in the store. I took a pen from my bag and then write some... I think my sister's habit has taken a toll on me, especially the longing and remembering part.

Overseas jobs like this one sure made a fortune for both of us, but sure the longing is harder than most long-distance relationships I know from my colleagues.

I remember when a colleague of mine, whose name I would not mention, told me how hard it is for her not to forget that her boyfriend exists. During our journeys, she would take the back seat and began to think while looking at the clouds, the surrounding scenery, and among many other natural backgrounds that she could observe. When we stopped somewhere to camp, she begins to write a letter for her boyfriend, wishing him the best and remain faithful to their relationship - they've been at this for six years, half of it was spent on a long-distance connection. I think I had her discarded excerpt on a crumpled letter, that I love to re-write it, she thought that this is far too sentimental.

* * *

 _Honey,_

 _I have been wanting you for too long that the desert seems like a space between us - stretches too far into the unknown without knowing whether we've arrived or not. I have been in the desert more than in your embrace, more so than you've ever imagined. I have been under the sun than I have ever been in your arms, more so than you've imagined. Alas, who am I to judge my occupation? It is a job that I had to do to make sure we both in it until the later ages come._

 _How have you been, darling? I feel homesick whenever I am not in your perimeter of love. I feel that I've been missing something great all this time and I do regret that I had to exchange your warmth for this job. I know that is selfish of me, but what can I do? I would not dare to let you suffer alone - financially. I'd take myself as far as the Arctic if I have to, to support you. We've been at this for too long, didn't we? I hope that we can continue to live and love like this, but I am glad that the desert journey soon ends and I cannot wait to drop myself in your embrace once more - hopefully, for a longer time._

 _I will catch a plane tomorrow at noon and be at our door at five in the morning._

 _I cannot wait to see your delighted face once more._

 _See you,_

 _DJ._


End file.
